Into The Unknown

Most people's greatest fear is the dark or heights or insects or losing a loved one. For me, not so much. Maybe a little bit, but the thing I fear the most is the fear of the unknown... I struggle with loud noises, sudden sounds, new situations, being asked a question. Not because I cannot answer a question or cannot adapt at all, but I do not like the unknown. Loud and sudden noises give me the fright of my life, meeting new people too. 

With a new person, you do not know how they sound like, if they are going to have a different scent. You do not know how they will act, their background, if you can trust them, if they are talking to you cause they pity you, want to bully you or are genuinely nice. These are all unknown. So I have to go into the unknown and find out. But that process means questions and trusting before finding out. So, I rather just stay in my small little bubble where everything is known. 

But life does not work that way... Life requires us to be social and everything we do requires us to interact and discover new things. It takes a lot of courage on my part and a lot of patience of the other person for me to be able to form a bond. It is hard and honestly can be frustrating on both parties part. I do not like having so much anxiety and wished things were different but I am learning to work through this. I have learnt that I have no choice but to walk headfirst into the unknown and try my best to face my fears and fight my anxiety.

The Lord Shows

I usually pick a song to sing and just dwell in the Lord's presence and to set my mind straight. Today, like any other day, I chose a song. The song was Nothing else by Cody Carnes, one of my favourites. Then I went on to do my devotional, and at the last part, there are some words to reflect upon and it said " It is really easy to get bogged down in life and forget how grateful you should be to God. Take time to notice all He does for you. Don't expect His blessings. Thank Him from the depths of your heart.". It felt like God was sending me a personalised message because the song that I just sang goes like this:

I'm caught up in Your presence
I just want to sit here at Your feet
I'm caught up in this holy moment
I never want to leave

Oh, I'm not here for blessings
Jesus, You don't owe me anything
More than anything that You can do
I just want You

I'm sorry when I've just gone through the motions
I'm sorry when I just sang another song
Take me back to where we started
I open up my heart to You

I'm sorry when I've come with my agenda
I'm sorry when I forgot that You're enough
Take me back to where we started
I open up my heart to You

God works in mysterious ways and He has been using songs to reach out to me. It really is amazing and I cannot wait to see what He has planned for me. Thank you Lord!

A New Begining

This blog marks a new beginning in my life. Reading my mothers old blog has shown me that I want to have a place where I can look back on my thoughts, feelings and significant moments down the road. Right now, I am coming 19 soon and I have to decide on a which University I would like to go, having to decide which course and which scholarship, if any, I would like to apply for. This is significant as it paves the road for my future, which job I would do, the people I meet, the experiences in life that I will get. Life, as it is, is never really easy. But life as a person with special needs is full of unexpected scenarios and things that I need to overcome.